Seat of Honor

For a long time, the best seat in the house for me was

• on stage,
• behind a conga kit,
• with several months of near daily practice,
• well rehearsed with each song in the set list,

• having worked in a multitude of percussion instruments during the performance (tambourines, shakers, guiro, bells, clave...)

Even better if my brother Marc was sitting next to me on the drum kit - especially after having had several private jam sessions to work out any new material together. 

Under these circumstances, you just new things were going to click that night.

The seat of honor for any Austin musician would have been playing the 'Carnegie Hall' of Austin, the Antone's stage.  A who's-who's list of musicians have played here during it's 30 plus year history.  And now - I've played there too.  My brother Marc has played there, we did it together with the band called Stones Throw in 1999. 

Gary (congas) and Marc Geraci (drums) with the band Stones Throw at Antones, Austin, Texas, 1999

I think all of my brothers have had the privilege of playing a gig at Antone's at least once or twice during their musical careers.

But this seat of honor passes too quickly, fading into oblivion, no one really ever remembering it again.  Anyway, it kind of leaves a gaping hole in one's heart and one never quite stops pining for an experience like it. 

"What an enormous effort people make to be noticed and remembered and admired.  What little effort is put into being close to God!" admonishes  Fr. Francis Fernandez  (Conversations with God, Volume 5.) 

It took me a while to figure this out.  Only God is capable of filling such a hole, permanently and everlastingly.  Having gradually come to this conclusion, I finally made the choice, once and for all, to put in close to God. 

Paradoxically,  I am now taught "do not to sit in a place of honor...But when you are invited, go and sit in the lowest place, so that when your host comes he may say to you, 'Friend, go up higher'; then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you.  For everyone who exalts himself shall be humbled, and he who humbles himself shall be exalted." Luke 14:8-11

This virtue of humility "should not be thought of as an essentially negative exercise, even though it does involve a denial of one's pride, a tampering of our ambition and the extinction of our egotism and vanity" teaches Father Fernandez.

Yeah, especially true for musicians Father, but aren't these deal killers to the essence of whom we are as performers?   "No, No! We are all children of God, created in his image; this is one's essence.  If music inspires it's only because God willed it that way first!" I can imagine him responding.

"If we examine the word humility we find it to be derived from the Latin humus, which means earth, soil, or dirt.  Humility signifies a recognition of our human origin in the dust of which Adam was made.  The virtue of humility, therefore, consists in the living out of a realistic appraisal of our comparative insignificance as creatures who are totally dependent on God." -cf. R. Garrigou-Lagrange, The Three Ages of the Interior Life, II, p. 118.

"Humility, by inclining us toward the earth, recognizes our littleness, our poverty, and in its way glorifies the majesty of God...The interior soul experiences a holy joy in annihilating itself, as it were, before God to recognize practically that He alone is great and that, in comparison with His, all human greatness is empty of truth like a lie." -ibid

Father Fernandez goes on teaching "This self-abnegation in no way impoverishes the soul.  It does not limit the legitimate aspirations of the creature.  On the contrary, this virtue works to ennoble the soul, giving it wings on which to explore wider horizons."

Slowly, I've come to know the value of detachment - I'm still working on humility though, please bear with me.  The drums and practice sessions simply don't own me anymore.  The talents are God given, they won't just vaporize into thin air, granted they may need to coaxed out of the cave of under-utilization.   With practice; should the occasion ever arise again, anything is possible on the congas, given that is, the workings of an "ennobled soul" with "wings."

Preserve It

The liberating effects of American contraception, live-in-relationships, Dr. Ruth's media messages and legalized abortion (just-in-case) couldn't have come at a better time for me.  Busting out of the inferiority shell of my youth and into the "anything goes" sexual revolution of the 80's and 90's was my ticket to happiness and fulfillment.  The parties, the clubs, the one night stands, need I say more?  Along with it came personal computers and access to a never ending stream of pornography.  We can't get enough of it would seem; the majority of the culture still acts as if this is all acceptable, signs of the time, part of a modern, progressive American culture many will say.  

But:

• No-one says anything about the violent ripping and tearing apart that happens when two hearts, supernaturally joined together during fornication, separate after things become inconvenient, constraining, or the lust just wears off; scarring and callousing the heart until it becomes cold and hardened like rock.  
• No-one prepares you for the short term horrors of an abortion procedure and the permanent long term effect of the guilt for having aided and abetted in the death of another human life.  
• No-one tells you what happens within the mind of another's child when they scream and cry out, objecting to your presence, longing for the affections of their natural father whom they seldom see now since their parents' divorce.  
• No-one tells you what it's like to find a partner leaving you for another woman, leaving her 'wilting' children with her mother for months while she 'blossoms' in the spring of her new perversion.  
• No-one to share the shame and embarrassment in treating STDs.  
• No-one says anything about the skewed view of American women you develop and the emptiness in finding her as a mere object lacking in any worthy qualities and all of the effort and will power that it will take to reverse this. 
• No-one says enough about the exploiting, manipulating, and trafficking that fuels the Internet pornography, 'gentlemen' clubs, and other sex trade operations that you patronize. 

Until now.

There is no lasting happiness and fulfillment here, sex in the American city is a deceitful sell, a downward spiral into hell itself.  The "cultural" cues that would try to tell you otherwise are false.  I know this to be true with concrete certainty because I lived it;  I struggle daily to erase it's negative effects.  

  

The sins may be forgiven but the stain never goes away, not in this lifetime. 

Your pure heart and body are a gift to your future family; your dignity, a gift from God. 

You're much better to preserve it.

"We may say that as a result of sin a threefold division has come into being for man; he has become divided from God, divided within himself, and divided from his fellow men.   First of all, by sin man was cut off from God, divided from him: that was the first division, and it is the origin and cause of the other two.  Men separated, detached from God, "become vain in their thoughts, and their foolish heart was darkened….Wherefore God gave them up to the desires of their heart, unto uncleanness...to shameful affections….And as they liked not to have God in their knowledge, God delivered them up to a reprobate sense, to do these things which are not convenient, being filled with all iniquity, malice...avarice, wickedness….inventors of evil things, foolish, without affection, without fidelity, without mercy" (Rom 1:21-31).  That is St. Paul's picture of mankind without God."  - Benedict Baur in Frequent Confession: Its Place in the Spiritual Life.   (p205)

A Little Bit of Heaven, Now

Just for fun, go way, way, back to the beginning of your memories, to when you were just a small child.  Look for a truly peaceful time in your life here where you maybe only just vaguely, can still remember.  It could be to a day like mine:  outside, a class fieldtrip, the yellow school bus in the distance, holding hands with my classmates, walking along the grassed bank of a flowing creek leading to a shaded duck pond, and under the watchful eye of some really nice teacher (she sincerely loved kids).  Just me, this joyful teacher and my wee sized classmates. 

During this outing, there was a picnic and my mother had carefully packed my favorite lunch including a Little Debbie chocolate cake for desert ("Ho Hos"), and my very own, 12 ounce can of Coca Cola to drink, wrapped in aluminum foil.   Here I was, loved, cared for, secure, outside God's green earth, beside myself with so much beauty, creation and fascinating creatures.

Duck pond somewhere in Albany, Oregon.

Now remember with me guys, go as far back as you can, to your earliest "day of innocence."  Was it when you were out on the fishing pier of your family's coastal vacation home, just you and your brother?  How about when you were under the family Christmas tree, you and dad holding onto your first real fishing rod? Maybe it was during your first Dallas Cowboy football game with your dad, mom and sisters?

Except for perhaps disobeying our parents or not sharing with our siblings, here we were, innocent, free of any kind of major "sin," full of joy and wonderment.  If you've got the correct time period locked in, you were still quite distant and free from any kind of heartache or struggle: bullying, poor athletic abilities, bad grades, speaking or performance gaffs, etc.  Even further away were you from the inevitable loss of job, financial crisis, major illness, failed relationship, death of a loved one, loss of faith, addiction, etc.  

It feels good to go back there doesn't it? This childhood memory, this joy.  Why do we lose this joy?  In it's place, we begin regretting life, the failed opportunities, missed relationships, things that we should have, could have, might have done. 

Why do we lose God?   

• I can't explain electricity….but it exists.
• I can't explain TV reception….but it exists.
• I can't explain international cell phone conversation either….but it exists.
• I can't explain air travel....but it exists.
• I can't explain Miss Universe….but she exists.
• I can't explain Ferrari...but it exists.
• I can't explain "Albert Einstein like" intelligence...but it exists.
• I can't explain the beginning of the universe….but it exists.

• I can't explain God….but God exists.

Maybe you've never believed in God even though the principles of God exists all around you.  Though the principles of electricity have existed since the beginning of creation, we didn't learn how to "turn the switch on" until the 19th century.  Or, maybe you really knew God all along but now, no longer know joy.  "You were within me while I had gone outside to seek you.  In my unloveliness, I fell heedlessly upon all those lovely things you had made.  Always you were with me, but I was not with you.  Created things kept me far from you; yet if they had not been in you, they would not have been at all." said St. Augustine.

That which "attracts" us, that which stirs our hearts, is but a foretaste of the more everlasting love to eventually envelop us for all of eternity.  Every good childhood memory, the events that frame them, the core goodness, comes from God!  Miss Universe, did she really get away, NO gentlemen!  Her core goodness and beauty comes from God!   Lusting after anybody, same sex, opposite sex, is just counterfeit for the core love that your heavenly soul really seeks but that the earthly flesh tends to corrupt; this core love - "is a gift" from God explains Christopher West in his John Paul II Theology of the Body seminars.   The astounding human creativity and workmanship behind every Ferrari or Mercedes S Class that you may never afford, don't worry, the core goodness comes from God.  The ingenuity behind the iPad - this too comes from God; the great scientific principles and discoveries - all coming from God.   The greatest vacation spots in the world also come from God and to think you're destined for God!  "... yet if they had not been in you, they would not have been at all."

The Church on earth, comes from God, Mary's yes.  Jesus Christ, born of human flesh, eternally begotten of God, dying out of love for us, resurrected and ever present through the Holy Spirit, IS God.

What if this childhood joy is just a taste of what eternal joy is like in the light of God; times 10 raised to the 100 power; a little bit of heaven now?  Every small and fleeting joy on earth then being just a foretaste of what's to permanently come in life eternal.  Reclaiming this joy we would be reminding ourselves of what we are moving towards, that in itself, a cause for joy in the here and now.

I believe praying and fasting allows one to receive God's grace and with grace, one is able to go even further in the pursuit of the truth, of things of God.  Over time, an even deeper form of praying evolves:  the "contemplating" of God's mysteries as revealed in Scripture and spiritual books.  With patience, an effective contemplative prayer will yield consolation.  A consolation is a brief "touch" or feeling much like this childhood experience of peace, joy and security;  the same feeling that one's joyful childhood memory invokes, experienced briefly in the present moment!  It is a revelation, if you will, of things to come, of this eternal, never ending  joy. 

Jesus Christ said, "Let the children come to me.  Do not hinder them.  The kingdom of God belongs to such as these."  And he laid his hands on their heads before he left that place.   Matthew 19:14

I think we need to allow our hearts to become childlike again if only to rekindle this taste of heaven on earth.  Don't you?

"Late have I loved you, O Beauty so ancient and so new.  Too late have I loved you!  You were within me while I had gone outside to seek you.  In my unloveliness, I fell heedlessly upon all those lovely things you had made.  Always you were with me, but I was not with you.  Created things kept me far from you; yet if they had not been in you, they would not have been at all.  You called, you shouted, you broke open my deafness.  You blazed, you gleamed, you banished my blindness.  You lavished your fragrance, I gasped, and now I long for you.  I trusted you, and now I hunger and thirst.  You touched me, and now I burn with desire for your peace." - Confessions (X, 27, 38) St. Augustine of Hippo

Ferrari 458 Italia

Gratia Sanans

Is it easy to live the life of a Christian today; you know avoiding sin and all?

How can anyone be sure that one can even stay on the right course, go the right way, the way of the Christian?  "The Way."

This world is full of temptations and the earth's so called "ruler", albeit weakened in defeat since the resurrection of Jesus Christ, is still "diabolical" as Biblically revealed to us, and does not appear to be the sort of candidate looking after our spiritual welfare  (John 12:31; 14:30; 16:11; 2 Corinthians 4:4; Ephesians 2:2; 6:12; 1 John 5:19).

Fortunately, a whole lot better news than this is also Biblically revealed to us.

In the meantime, in the day to day struggle against sin we all want to know how to persevere:  "What is the remedy? Not nature, only grace." writes  Benedict Baur in Frequent Confession: Its Place in the Spiritual Life. 

So where does one inherit such grace? 

For me and millions of other Catholics around the globe the answer is found in the sacraments instituted by Jesus Christ.

What are the sacraments?

They are physical manifestations, they are outward signs, for sinners and pious alike, instituted by Christ, to give grace. These are called sacraments. 

The sacraments I have personally received through the Catholic Church are:

• Baptism,

• Penance,

• Eucharist, (scroll down after clicking the link)

• Confirmation,  (scroll down after clicking the link)

• Matrimony  (scroll down after clicking the link)

Catholics believe there are only two others:  Anointing of Sick (for the gravely or terminally ill) and Holy Orders (for men consecrated to the priestly life).

Are these sacraments really for sinners?  Yes especially sinners. 

Remember the gospel story of the prodigal son?  The great love the father had for the prodigal son returning home after squandering the family inheritance during a life of debauchery and licentious living? (Lk 15:11-32)  The father lavishes his repentant son with gifts and a feast.  This is how much God loves you and me! 

 "The Beat Goes On" is my own personal testimony to exactly this: God's unqualified love for the repentant sinner.  Unqualified meaning "no strings attached!"   Despite my long spell of sinful transgressions and separation from God, I am not only accepted back into the fold but abundantly blessed with mercy, compassion, forgiveness, and all the while, showered with life renewing grace.   

 

In the sacrament of Catholic confession, one tells one's sins to a priest.  One keeps a contrite heart and a sincere resolve to change ones ways so that "what is above all given to us is an increase of healing grace, what theologians call gratia sanans." writes Baur.

Otherwise, says Baur, left to our own devices, one can only "rely on his own proud and egoistic interpretation of his experience and the events of his life.  He has to trust his own covetous self-seeking and his boundless self-centeredness and his hatred for everything that contradicts his own will.  He is the unfortunate man of whom it is written:  "To will is present with me, but to accomplish that which is good, I find not.  For the good which I will, I do not; but the evil which I will not, that I do….I find then a law, that when I have a will to do good, evil is present with me….Unhappy man that I am!" (Rom 7:18-24)

I don't know about you but probably like me, in pursuit of happiness, we've both already tried, God help us, the many different alternatives our modern heathen society offers: lifestyles, material acquisitions, career ambitions, you name it.  

But I hope one day too, you can testify along with me, in light of the truth found in the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, all the rest is just emptiness and injury at worst and back to the starting point at best -I pray that our confessions may be testimony to posterity!

What other way is there?  None!

Stage Addiction

If people have paid a cover charge at the door or have paid to come in and eat a meal, to dance, etc. this then is what we would call a "professional gig."  Forgetting our high school performances as a teenage band, up to that day,  June 20, 1997 - the closest I got to a "professional" musical event stage, was as a roadie/sound and light guy for my brother's band, the Titans.  I would get to walk on stage, introduce the band, and then walk off the stage, to the back of the room, where the sound and light controls were located. 

That all changed one day when my brother Marc Geraci called me up to "sit in" with the band he was in called Carrie Dell and the Time Piece.  I think Marc had even agreed to split half of his pay with me.  He had told the other musicians in the band that he had a brother who had recently started playing the congas.  They were like, "Sure, man, call him over."   I had never even sat in with this band, didn't know what songs they would be playing - all I really knew -  Marc was a rock solid time keeper and I could follow him on the drums.

What's it like being on a "professional" stage, playing a "gig?" 

The feelings I had were both of terror and of having finally, so-to-speak, arrived musically, even though, I had just only recently embarked on this whole hand drum pursuit.  I think at that time, Marc and I had practiced together only a few times ourselves, mostly just me showing him rhythms I had learned from my drum lessons,  probably demonstrating them on a tabletop during family get-togethers.  

Prior to all this, a co-worker of mine, Dan Archer, had heard about my new conga interests and had encouraged me to pick-up "What's Going On" by Marvin Gaye an ultimate, conga-centric work of music.  He wasn't kidding!  So I asked my drum teacher to write out the dominant conga rhythm in "What's GoingOn" and I saw that I could apply this same rhythm to just about any rock-n-roll piece with a 4/4 time signature. 

Having a band himself, Dan called me out to some musician's practice hall where his band regularly met.  I agreed, secretly with reluctance, and when I got out there, to my horror, I learned there was no trap drummer in sight!  I would have to keep time for the band!  Imagine that, a drummer being asked to keep time (and I hadn't even thought to bring along my metronome.) "Exposed as a fake!" was my dominant line of self talk but, despite all this, I got through it, come to find we were all "struggling" musicians that day.

But now, there we were, Marc and I, playing together in Jonestown, Texas, my first "paid gig," my first "professional" stage, just letting it flow song to song, set to set.  The band must have liked my contribution, imperfect as it was, because they asked me out to several more shows and we played until Marc decided to disband, looking for a new project.

What's it like being on a "professional" stage, playing a "gig?" 

It's a thrill, an exhilarating, tiring, experience.  One literally drains oneself to play the correct parts at the correct times yet, at the same time, one is fueled to the limit in concert with the crowds reaction and enthusiasm to what is being performed.

Taken the wrong way, it's a head inflating experience, a high, an addiction borne from perhaps a misguided perception of the audience's adoration.  Leaving the stage between sets one is even conscience of the eyes following you, perhaps clouded eyes, resulting from copious consumption of alcoholic beverages.   The attention elevates the psyche, boosts the self worth, at least temporarily.  

Following the long tear-down and late night arrival to home one asks why would anyone in their right mind want to make their living this way? 

But the next day, ears still ringing from proximity to the cymbals the night before, all is forgotten and one can’t wait to repeat it all over again and play the next gig.  

Granted one knows that most won't make a living with music alone and so one finds just enough work to keep one immersed in one's music.

For the next thirteen plus years this is exactly what I lived for, elevating and idolizing this experience above any other ideal or object.

"Denying oneself means refusing to be the centre of one's own attention.  The true disciple must be centred on Christ, to whom must be directed all thoughts and cares, so that our entire day truly becomes an offering to Christ." writes Fr. Francis Fernandez, In Conversation with God