1. But I Don't Believe

It doesn't matter, God believes in you.

Here I give you what is called personal testimony.   The blog, The Beat Goes On, is personal testimony.  At its worst it is painful, arrogant and self seeking, I agree, but still, I am convinced at its best, the confessions taken together reveal something transcendental, something greater than me, something I am convinced is at work in your life too whether you believe in God or not. 

A few weeks ago I released a posting titled "The Biggest Civil Project" originally written and posted during June 2007.  For me, this period marked what I can only call a pronounced turning point in my life.  The beginning of a tangible  pouring out of God's infinite mercy and grace guiding my own life in a completely new direction.

The following original blog postings are from a dark period immediately prior to this new turn in direction.  During the height of the mortgage and banking industry's fleecing of America, I, an independent "by the book" real estate appraiser, had become the victim of an alleged blacklisting campaign which ended up costing me my appraisal career, first marriage, home, property, and livelihood.  In other words, I had lost nearly everything. 

I hope to demonstrate to you that we are all God's instruments for positive change even when we do not perceive it or necessarily will it.   First, through my own life's confessions, I hope to continue to reveal God's work in progress so that you may see evidence of Him and learn to see Him in your own life too.  Second, I want to inspire you to action when critical events in your life begin to challenge your conscience, knowing God will be on your side too.  Finally, I hope you can tell your own story one day perhaps following the same formula used here: 

 I was on this path, until the Holy Spirit acted in my life, and now, dying to my old self, (an ongoing, never ending process by the way), I am on a new path laid out by Jesus Christ our Savior and Lord.

I will number the entries, beginning with this post, to make them easier to follow and in the order originally written.  The material will be posted unedited and as is except I have opted to replace original use of profanity with symbolic references in respect of my readers.  

So today, on Devine Mercy Sunday 2012, I offer these confessions as my personal "apostolate" or contribution to the Church's call for New Evangelization.   God indeed is merciful.